I remember a time in my life when there is this one person whom I’ve always cared to give whatever fills the fullness of my hands. She is like a family that you always have in mind and heart to share life.She is one you journey with in filling lacks whenever there is a need. But I had wondered besides kindness and all that she receives, she will continuously disrespect and show annoying habits that would really get into you. One day comes, when she completely placed me to the edge, exactly at the place I am personally in need of peace with my own troubles. You can imagine the weight of having someone who continuously misbehaves in the middle of your personal storm of worries. That moment, to guard my heart, a wall was placed between us. We were put in a process… Of God’s pruning and molding.
Interestingly, she responded to the wall between us by starting to go to the church. From then, she started listening to worship songs. It became noticeable, the intentions she put into that encounter. She changed tremendously. She started talking beautifully. Her character improves. She was being molded. She was being transformed and her whole family.
OOhh! she started to bring the nerves off me, doubting how can someone be so bad turn to be so sweet after years of seeing completely no changes in her life. I remember putting all the effort in giving her advise. Assisting her financially, being present with her family. Basically leading her to the path of man and the worlds approach, stressing on the 10 commandments.
I thought to myself, I’ve always loved the Lord. My sunday is not complete without hearing a word from Him from the Preachings and interpretations of the Priests. I am one of those who would feel the heaven one day in a week. One day that will change rest of my days being generous, kind, enduring. But after what happened between me and her. I stopped going to the church. I find it hypocritic for someone so bad to be acting good. Years passed, I started to see her life flourishing. She started getting blessed while I am getting bitter and bitter day after day.
I started pondering why would God bless her when we are the one doing the works. I coyldn’t find the answer but I know surely I started missing the peace that the Lord has been giving my life from before I stopped seeing Him in His church. I decided to go back and seek Him once again, but unfortunately, I cannot find Him in the same place where I know He is. Where I use to talk to Him. Where I always feel His presence.
My seeking brought me all over the place and all the churches finding where He truly is. I couldn’t find Him. I didn’t stop. I continued attending a gathering of people who worships Him with all songs, prayers, bible studies, charity works, etc. There was a lot to do in that church that somehow kept me busy and helped me within the loneliness of my days, helping me deal with my anxieties. Years passed I am still in the same church but the bitterness is slowlly being washed off. I have been learning that all the years I chose to isolate myself and decided not to see Him. He is doing His works to her, while I am consuming all my energies to myself dwelling on sins. Turned out, I wasted my time doubting her faith and the hope there maybe in her.
Truly, we cannot fight the righteousness of God by questioning and looking at the faults of people who believes in Him.
John 20:23 says
20 Peter turned and saw the [e]disciple whom Jesus loved following them; the one who also had leaned back on His chest at the supper and had said, “Lord, who is it that is going to betray You?” 21 So when Peter saw him, he asked Jesus, “Lord, and what about this [f]man [what is in his future]?” 22 Jesus said to him, “If I want him to stay alive until I come [again], what is that to you? You follow Me!” 23 So this word went out among the brothers that this disciple (John) was not going to die; yet Jesus did not say to him that he was not going to die, but only, “If I want him to stay alive until I come [again], what is that to you?”
John 8: 4-10
4 Then they said to Jesus, “Teacher, we caught this woman in the very act of adultery. 5 Doesn’t Moses’ law command us to stone to death a woman like this?[c] Tell us, what do you say we should do with her?” 6 They were only testing Jesus because they hoped to trap him with his own words and accuse him of breaking the laws of Moses.
But Jesus didn’t answer them. Instead he simply bent down and wrote in the dust with his finger.[d] 7 Angry, they kept insisting[e] that he answer their question, so Jesus stood up and looked at them and said, “Let’s have the man who has never had a sinful desire[f] throw the first stone at her.” 8 And then he bent over again and wrote some more words in the dust.[g]
12 “In everything you do, be careful to treat others in the same way you’d want them to treat you, for that is the essence of all the teachings of the Law and the Prophets.”
I diligently seek His church. I seek the truth and purpose why we live and do what we do. I initiate… intentionally seeks His name. And found Him with me all along the process. He is always with me talking to me… Guiding me. But sometimes, I couldn’t hear Him when I’m inside the box of my self. When all I hear is what I know. When all I feel is what I thought I needed that I may breathe. Until later on I learned that completely trusting Him is carelessly allowing myself to be blown in the wind of His love through His word, through Jesus.
He is powerful. He is the creator. He will make himself appear to people He chose to whenever He wants. But that is impossible for someone who does not want to see Him. It’s impossible for someone to see what you dont want to see.
God is a loving a God. He is the creator of good for it is who He is. For everything there is good is a God. He is the source. But the good that He is is leading to a way and eternal not temporary. The goodness of God is more than the flesh and the blood. Jesus gave Himself to us. He was crushed in the flesh and poured out His blood to let us know that God’s plan for us is more than the earth and the life in it.
God is not a story teller. He is not a fantasy.
God’s promise is real and He has proven and done all He had said.